Seems like a new buzz word I hear my kids saying is, "Fail". If I try to tell a joke and it flops they very flatly declare, "fail". Or if we are playing basketball in the driveway and I shoot an airball--"fail". I have even noticed myself saying it. If you really mess up then the dry, sarcastic label gets taken up a notch to "epic fail".
Have you ever had an "epic failure", spiritually speaking? Now, I am not talking about times in your walk with God when you have gotten lazy and apathetic and "little" sins crept up and became a part of your everyday living. And I am not referring to the accidental sins. I am referring to the times when you were moving forward in your relationship with Christ. Times when you look forward to your daily devotions. Times when you feel like you are on the right track, the track that leads you closer to Jesus. And then--BLAM! From out of nowhere you look up and realize you just did a terrible sin and committed an "epic failure". I have been in this situation and it was quite derailing. It happened at a time when I was reading the Word and praying daily. I was excited about going to church again. I was actively pursuing a more holy lifestyle. I was moving forward.
Then I failed. I was presented with an opportunity to do a great thing for God and for my testimony, and I failed. Here's the weird thing: earlier in the day, the Holy Spirit spoke to me and warned me about this very sin and that I was headed toward it if I was not careful. Guess what I did in response. Pray? No, I brushed off His conviction. The exact nature of my sin is not important, but suffice to say, I hurt myself and my Savior. In the days following my failure, I must have asked God for forgiveness every few minutes. I sought out the forgiveness of close to me. But forgiving myself--that was a different story. I felt like such a joke because I was supposed to be on the right track. I was supposed to be "on fire" again. And here I am, knocked down and bruised. All my own doing.
While dealing with this guilt one morning, my devotions were from 1 Peter. Peter's book is so deep and rich and mature. As my devotions came to a close, my eyes glanced up at the top of the page of my Bible onto the name Peter. Immediately, I thought of Peter's "epic failure", his denial of even knowing Jesus, when Jesus needed him most. My mind began racing. If anyone should have been "close to the Lord" you would think it would have been someone who had the previlege of LITERALLY walking with Jesus in the flesh. He had touched Jesus, heard the words come out of His mouth, seen His mighty acts first hand. Peter was even one of the three disciples that Jesus was especially close to.
They were best friends.
Then my mind remembered, Peter was also warned beforehand that he was going to fail. Hours prior Jesus told Peter, You will deny me three times before the rooster crows. What was Peter's reaction? Never, Lord! Then in the garden Jesus warned Peter, Pray because the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. But Peter slept instead of praying. I have no stones to throw at Peter. I am quite sure these men were absolutely exhausted. But then Jesus was arrested. Peter had his loyalty to Jesus put to the ultimate test. He had a chance to be a hero. He could have stood trial beside the Man who radically changed his life. But he failed. He failed by lying. And when the rooster crowed, he remembered Jesus' warning. Peter was instantly devasted by his failure. He ran out of the courtyard and wept bitterly.
I looked through the Gospels and did not see a reference to Peter at the Crucifixion. I believe the guilt of his failure was too much to bear in the presence of the One whom he failed. He had no defense. He had no excuse. The last moment he shared with Jesus before Jesus died was the call of the rooster, the confirmation of his failure. As subject to human emotions, I imagine Peter had to wonder how could Jesus possibly forgive him?
The Holy Spirit revealed some things to me that morning as I raced through the four Gospels looking for clues about how Peter got over this failure and onto becoming a leader in the new Church. Remember how mature and stable he sounds in his book of the Bible?
Three main points have come into focus for me.
1. JESUS KNEW PETER WOULD FAIL, BUT INVESTED IN HIM ANYWAY
The warning that Peter received earlier in the day tells me that Jesus knew Peter would fail, but yet loved him and called him to be great anyway. Peter's failure had not surprised Jesus. In fact, Jesus knew Peter would fail when they met three years prior. But Jesus invested in him anyway.
2. JESUS STILL WANTED TO USE PETER FOR GREAT THINGS
After Jesus resurrected, He appeared to the diciples a few times. The most beautiful of these encounters was the breakfast on the beach. The disciples were fishing early in the morning when Jesus appeared on the shore and recomended they throw their nets to the other side to get a good catch. When Peter realized it was Jesus, he jumped in the water and swam for shore, as compulsive as ever. They all had a meal over a fire and afterwards we see the beautiful reinstatement of Peter.
John 21
15 When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”
16 Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”
17 The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my sheep."
Three times Jesus asked Peter, do you love me? When Jesus asked a third time Peter was offended. I can see his flushing cheeks and his desparate eyes as he declared, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Through his own confession, Peter received assurance that Jesus knew Peter loved Him, even though he had failed Him. And yes, Jesus still wanted him to accomplish great things for the Kingdom. PETER WASN'T CALLED BECAUSE OF HIS PERFECTION, HE WAS CALLED BECAUSE OF HIS PURPOSE!
3. JESUS WANTS US TO GET UP AND KEEP GOING
I found it so interesting that one of the last things Jesus said directly to Peter before ascending into Heaven was, "Follow me". Wasn't that also the first words Peter had heard Jesus speak to him? "Follow me." You would think after 3 years together Peter would not need to be reminded of the most basic element of being a Christian: following Jesus. But apparently Peter (and all of us) from the first day we accept Jesus to our last day on Earth need to be reminded to just follow Jesus. It is like a marathon. If you fall down, don't stay down. Get up! Dust off and get back in the pursuit of the leader. At least you were off the couch and in the race to start with. You can still finish the race and receive the prize. If you keep going.
